The Beginning

7:20 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm not really sure where our story begins. For the time being, I'm going to define it as the day we found out we were expecting Catti.

Background:
We'd battled almost 3 yrs of infertility in getting pregnant with Mairi, born 12/04. After she was born, I got really sick and found out I had PPCM-Peripartum Cardiomyopathy. Two weeks after Mairi was born, I ended up in the ICU fighting for my life, my heart functioning at less than half it's normal capacity-I was in heart failure at the age of 24.

God was good, and allowed me to stay here with my family. A week after discharge from the hospital, I ended up back there with a life-threatening DVT (blood clot) that had traveled undetected from my calf up to my groin and was the size of a grapefruit. That was some horrific pain, and I was on morphine for the pain-and two shots to the stomach daily for 8 months, to dissolve it. Oral medication wouldn't have let me breastfeed, so I decided on the shots.

After all that, specialist after specialist told me that I would "100% die if I had another baby".

My heart recovered fully, and we decided to leave it up to God. He decided in His wisdom, to give us Catti for 41 weeks. I'll never be the person I was before her, and quite frankly, I don't want to. Being her mama has made me a better person in every aspect of my life. Deeper relationship with God, with my husband, with my living children, a better mama, wife, friend and overall JEN. The pain was a high cost for refinement, but nothing is without it's sacrifices, right?

I maintain a blog on LJ, and I'll be taking from my archives here, to have Catti's story in one place. I'll use this blog as a place specifically for my loss journey, which is one that will, unfortunately, never end until I am in heaven holding Catti in my arms again.

Thanks to all the wonderful friends that have walked this path with me and my family. Especially btdt loss mamas. Thank you for reopening your wounds, revisiting your darkest hours to help me make it out of mine. I pray that I can be that for others now.
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